Here was where we waited for the "Wiki Wiki
Express", which connected the Mainland Terminal to the Inter-Island
Terminal. Wait Time: 10 minutes. Bus Ride: 10 minutes.
Distance between Terminals: Roughly 100 feet. |
This was the view of the "Adults Only" pool
from our balcony in Kona. It's funny that they put us so close.
They obviously thought we were adults....isn't that funny? |
My beautiful bride, sporting what I call
"Michelle Couture". |
No, this was really how nice it was there.
We spent many a day lounging by this pool, and eating pupus (I love that
word!) |
Liftoff! If this was a video, you
would actually hear me screaming like a schoolgirl.
|
The helicopter tour gave us a view of all
the Hawaii had to offer. In other shots, we've showcased volcanoes,
coastline, and waterfalls. In this shot, however, take a gander at a
U.S. Military missile testing range. Look out for incoming! |
Science Lesson One: Volcanoes don't
really have just one big peak that lava flows from, like Hollywood would
have you believe. Instead, towards the summit there will be a
collection of these smaller peaks, which at different times through
history have erupted. |
Science Lesson Two: The diverse climate of
Hawaii means that one minute you could be in clear skies, and the next
you're flying over deep cloud cover. That's when your Vietnam-vet
helicopter pilot chooses to have a flashback and go Airwolf-style on you,
thus causing Rich to turn green. |
A rainbow, for all the lovers. |
The actively erupting area of a volcano is
called a caldera, or in Hawaiian, a pu'u. Off in the distance you
can see the caldera of Hawaii's active volcano, Kileuaeaaeuoea. |
I was gonna ask the pilot if he could drop
us off down there so I could sacrifice Michelle to the gods, but he
thought it might mess up our timetable.
|
This is either a picture of hot lava, or an
artistic rendition of the way Michelle and I felt after catching the
mysterious Las Vegas stomach flu. |
Though you can't tell from this picture,
this lava is actually moving. Scary sh*t. |
A waterfall, which apparently drops
something insane like 2500 feet to the valley floor. Michelle, upon
first reading this caption, was astounded that I wasn't more
crude. Who has the sick mind now?!? |
One of the thirteen valleys of the Kohala
Coast, where in ancient times the Gods rode on trusty steeds, and BLAH
BLAH BLAH.... |
...and speaking of the U.S. Military going
to great lengths to preserve Hawaii's natural beauty, take a look at this.
Yep, folks, that's a World War II bomber that crashed in, well, World War
II times, which they left there because, well, it just sort of blends,
right? |
Happy Couple Candid #1: At Brown's Beach
House at the Fairmont Orchid. |
Heeyah, little dogies! |
These are taro plants, the roots of which
are pounded out to make the traditional Hawaiian food "poi". Poi is
a protein-packed paste eaten to sustain the native Hawaiians through each
day of unemployment and surfing. Natives prefer that it be served
with a side of marijuana or crystal meth, and its taste hints of sandpaper
and ass. |
Happy Couple Candid #2: ...and the horses
they rode in on. |
Waipio Valley, as seen from the 30% grade
road that you take to the bottom of it. |
Here's my wife, getting used to being
married, the MARTIN way! |
Rich on the "lanai" of our room in Kona. |
And here is Michelle on the very same lanai! |
This was taken at the "King's Pond", a
natural pool on the grounds of the hotel in Kona. You could snorkel
in there, and they even had Eagle Rays in there as well. It was
literally chock full of bright fish. Rich befriended many of these,
and visited them every day. |
This was the room that they put us in when
we first got to Maui. Our hack of a travel agent swore by this room
type, called the "Oceanview Prime". The Four Seasons had the right
idea in their marketing plan though, because to call it the "Almost
Completely Obscured by Palm Trees View" wouldn't have held the same
appeal. |
Isn't this great? This restaurant is
named after both of my sisters' childhood nicknames! |
This sign reminded me, not so fondly, of
fraternity pledgeship. Just kidding!!!! |
Happy Couple Candid #3, at David Paul's in
Lahaina. |
I jokingly asked Michelle if she would buy
one of these hula girls for me. That turned out to be not the
funniest joke made on our honeymoon. |
My intent in going to a luau had been to see
some fire eaters, or at least some fire dancers. Instead, I got to
see dudes in loincloths. Lovely. |
The valet at our hotel in Maui, after
determining that we had rented a 4x4, recommended that we take the back
road to Hana, to beat the traffic. There was a section of this road
that we were forbidden to drive on under the covenant of our rental
agreement, but the views from the road leading up to that part were
spectacular. |
More views. |
Even more views. |
Sick of views yet? |
Notice how unnecessarily curvy this road
is. I remarked that if I drove straight down the middle, ignoring
the curves, I'd likely end up in precisely the correct place. We
did not, however, endeavor to prove this theorem. |
If you are a fan of Rich Gunther captions
pages, you'll know that I am a big fan of humorous signs. Michelle
was especially ticked at this one, because as we passed it, she said
"Rich, that sign said Poo Poo Bridge: don't you want a
picture?". I did. And we turned around to take one. |
This tree is a tad confused as to which way it
should be growing. |
It wouldn't be Hawaii without views. |
After pondering the situation, and asking for
guidance from our W.W.B.D. bracelets, we decided to complain about the
room they put us in. Consequently, we were upgraded to a better
room, with a nice full ocean view and a view of this weird rock garden as
well. |
See me swimming down there? No?
That's because I was caught by the undertow and dashed on the rocks.
I'm so extreme. Rock on. |
The Seven Pools Of Wonder and Mystery and
Drive Four Hours To Stay There For Ten Minutes and Swim in Cold Nasty
Water. (in Haleakakalealaeleaa National Park) |
A closer view of the Seven Pools. |
Me in the water, before I succumbed to
hypothermia. |
Scenery. |
Maui has beaches of every color. Black
Sand, White Sand, Red Sand, Green Sand. I wanted to experience all
of them. For some reason, this red sand beach had really big waves,
and a huge riptide. Consequently, I ate ass on the bottom of the
ocean. Fun. |
While I was being dragged out to sea, Michelle
took this lovely picture. |
This is a black sand beach. We saw
kids jumping off those rocks in the foreground into the water. I'd
estimate the height of the rocks at about 25 feet, and the average IQ of
those kids at about 74. |
Turns out, the term "black sand
beach" is either a euphemism or some tourist marketing schlock.
In actuality, it should be called a "jagged, painful black rock
beach". |
There were many great geological and
archaeological sites to see, such as the black sand beach, the caves, and
the Ancient Burial Airport. |
Water doesn't get much bluer than that, ya
know? |
The Hali'imaile General Store, one of the
great places we ate in Maui. |
Macallan 25, or Far Niente 1997 Cave
Collection. The essential quandary in the life of every great
alcoholic. |
Happy Couple Shot #???: At Spago. |
First shot of the sun coming up at
Haleeakelakalakala. Approximate time: 5:00 AM. Approximate temp: 32
degrees Fahrenheit. |
Rich taking in the views from the crater. |
Happy Couple: At the top of the world. |
Land Ho! |
Sunrise keep comin'. Approx. Time: 6:00
AM Approx. Temp: 40 degrees Fahrenheit. |
First light. Approx. time: 6:25 AM,
Approx. temp: 45 degrees Fahrenheit. |
That's all folks. Beautiful, ain't
it. Approx. Time: 6:35 AM. Approx. Temp: a balmy 130 degrees. |
This road led to Maui's "red light
district". |
The view from our room on a clear day. |
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One last happy couple picture, before we bid
paradise adieu. Don't we look burly? |
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